Breath of Life
by 8belles
Summary: After Washington D.C., life calms down for our S.H.I.E.L.D friends. My musing on how Bucky, Cap and Natasha and Sharon Carter deal with their new found "freedom" as Life asks them just to breathe. (Inspired from the song "Breath of Life" by Erasure)
1. Chapter 1

**Breath of Life**

**A/N My 50****th**** story. So pleased it's a Captain America one. I've really fallen hard for this mythos and what Steve Rodgers stands for. Long Live Captain America**

The world was serene for a change, which was a new and alien feeling for Steve. The night sky from his balcony in Brooklyn was a dull haze of orange that he had learned to live with now that every street was illuminated at night. From above, he heard his fellow apartment-dweller wind chimes softly adding cadence to the honks of cars and occasional screeches of sirens from the streets below. The summer air had the smell of rain to it and a vague after note of seaweed.

Glancing at his watch, he noted the time: ten pm. His new roommate was finishing up a shower after they had worked out that evening. Steve felt sorry for breaking that weight set, and reminded himself he needed to drop off a check to pay for it. Unexpectedly, Rogers' phone screen lit up. Jumping, because he still wasn't quite used to smartphones yet, he glanced at the screen. Natasha had texted him, "What's going on?"

Opening the dialogue box, he tapped back, "Not much. "

"Want to go out?" she sent back with one of those, what did she call them? _Emoji._ It was a small yellow smiley face.

Steve imagined her face with that silly smile on it and it made him chuckle, then replied, "Can Bucky come too? I don't want to leave him alone."

There was a significant pause before her response, "Ok."

"Where?" he sent, wondering why she had delayed in her reply and if that emoji smile was gone.

"There's a place about three blocks from you. I'll send you the address." Natasha answered.

Steve paused then asked, "The occasion?"

"Does there have to be one?" was her quick retort.

"No. Just not used to this yet." he commented and was amazed suddenly that he was having a serious conversation via text. In the back of his mind, he began to worry about, what did Nick call it? Oh, his 'data plan'.

"It's called peace. Something we all need. See you soon." And with that, she sent him the address of a small neighborhood bar.

Inhaling a shaky breath, it felt to him like he was going out on a first date. _Wow, peace. Actually getting to relax for a change_, he thought, _this is as bad as a first kiss_. Peggy flashed forward in his mind; with a frown he shoved that memory back. The nursing home had sent him notification of her passing shortly after the destruction of Washington D.C. Dwelling on the funeral certainly didn't seem like the thing to do tonight.

"Steve?" the hesitant voice of Bucky called out from the living room of the apartment.

"Out here, Buck. On the deck." Steve replied over his shoulder and saw the freshly washed and dressed James appear. He took a seat opposite Rogers on the balcony and stared out into the night.

Silence passed for several moments. Steve noticed that often happened now that Bucky was in rehab for his brainwashing. It was like a multifaceted loss between them; loss of time, camaraderie, and life neither of them were allowed to live. Now, both of them shoved roughly into a time they didn't ask for to serve in ways they never conceived, the silence between them felt therapeutic. Steve stayed quiet for several moments still adjusting to that silver arm attached to his best friend.

The tattered leftovers of S.H.I.E.L.D were giving them some assistance with the arm and James's mind. But even after seeing all sorts of mayhem, that silver arm still unnerved Rogers. Right now, James let it rest peacefully on his knee. That arm, attached to the man, who once tried to kill him. _Maybe __**you**__ are the one who needs reprogramming_, Steve chided himself in his thoughts.

Long gone was the carefree, good-time James Buchanan. What remained was a very quiet, still and introspective man. Looking at his watch, Rogers decided to break the silence, "Hey Buck. Want to go hang out with Natasha?"

Slowly, deliberately James turned his head, long hair brushing his eyebrows, and looked at his best friend, eyes dark in the low light, his voice soft, "Sure. Maybe we can find some dames?"

Steve smiled, "They're not called _dames_ anymore, Bucky."

"Well, whatever. It's been forever since I've had a beer." James commented with an attempt at a smile and stood up, every motion he made still echoed the precise killer he used to be. Steve had to repress his own defensive reflexes in response to the predatory motions of Barnes, which were now just part of him post-HYDRA.

"Throw on a jacket." Steve warned. Bucky was still not used to concealing his metal arm.

"Whatever you say, boss." James replied, his voice still low as he donned a navy hoodie and slipped on a black glove over the gleaming steel hand.

Grabbing his wallet and keys, Steve held open the door, "Let's go have a good time."

"Roger that, Cap." James replied and glanced at Steve as he passed through, a flicker of something still not right in his expression. Rogers made a note to himself. The docs didn't say he _couldn't_ go out in public. Pushing that thought aside, he closed and locked the door behind them.


	2. Chapter 2

Breath of Life ch 2

Over and through all the missions Steve had worked with Natasha, it was rare for him to see her in civilian clothes. Now he had an idea of why she hesitated in her text reply when he asked if Bucky could come as well. He might have been a naïve 95 year old man, who's dating playbook came from a simpler, more polite time but he wasn't stupid.

The black dress was plunging in all the right places but feminine enough to not be too unseemly yet exude an aura of temptation. Her red hair was a deep and lustrous red that almost looked as if she was a living ruby. She was busy swatting off various bar flies when Steve and Bucky arrived. Rising gracefully from her bar stool as the men around her took definite notice, she walked to Steve's and gave him a huge hug, "Always nice to see you, Steve." She said leaning up and placing a peck on his cheek. Rogers looking over her head, noticed the deflated looks on every guy's face followed by flickers of green envious flames in their eyes. He was acutely aware of her perfume tickling his nose. A few women in the bar also registered looks of disappointment.

Clearing his throat somewhat uncomfortably, he smiled down at Natasha and pulled James around from the back. "Nice to see you too, Natasha. I'm actually surprised you're in town."

Romanov looked warmly at Barnes and reached to hug him too. Cap noticed how he smiled slightly and stiffened a bit when she embraced him but he did not return the hug, "James, how are you?"

Barnes looked at the stunning Natasha and barely a flicker of her attractiveness registered it seemed on his face, "I'm doing… ok."

"Good. Let's get a table and some drinks. We have some celebrating to do." She smiled at both of them and walked to the back of the bar room. Seated there was a surprise, Agent 13, Sharon Carter in a wickedly red dress, her blonde hair cascading down her shoulders in soft waves. Steve felt like something _else_ punched him in the gut. Flashes of being an Army reject and a zero with the ladies rose up in the back of his mind. Taking a seat next to Sharon at the large round table, he shoved those self-doubts away. Natasha sat on the other side of Agent 13 as a waitress approached. Taking their drink order, the waitress walked way and left the four special agents to themselves.

"Bucky! Look. You're wish may have come true. Just like old times." Steve commented good-naturedly, gently elbowing his best friend in the shoulder. He almost recoiled when his arm bumped the metal under the jacket. Bucky flinched slightly, cutting his eyes at Rogers trying not to look distrustful.

"Steve, you don't have to always be so upbeat… for my sake." Barnes replied uncomfortably, the uneasy look in his eyes suggesting that he wasn't sure how to act.

"Ok." was all Steve could say, not sure himself how to proceed.

Sharon saw the discomfort and tried to save the momentum of conversation, " So are you guys enjoying your R&R?"

Both men looked at the blonde bombshell and then at each other. "It's been an… adjustment." Steve filled in when the silence dragged on. He suddenly wondered if he should have brought Bucky out tonight.

"I can imagine. Let's just say, I'm glad I moved out of your building. The laundry facilities were atrocious." Sharon replied, attempting humor.

Steve chuckled and joined in, his humor taking a darker turn, "And you couldn't trust the neighbors."

Sharon stopped chuckling and just looked at Steve, stone faced. Mentally, he was slapping himself, "I'm sorry… I didn't' mean…"

She gave a small smile and replied, "No. It's ok. We didn't know what was going on either."

Quiet descended around the table as the waitress reappeared with two beers, a white Russian and a gin martini. Placing the drinks about the table, she left the tab open and departed. Eyes darted from their glasses to each other and back like nervous teenagers on a double date.

_Barnes mind was swimming with sounds. He knew he should be relaxed and calm here with people who knew him, loved him, but it was so hard. The therapist said it would be difficult in the beginning. Sparks flew off randomly in his mind from his missions, echoes of the past. Every time he looked at Steve, he couldn't help but see the reflection of Rogers after he had beat him nearly senseless in the helicarrier just months prior. "Bucky, it's your choice. You are stronger than you think." The therapists voice was like salve to his open mental wounds, "You can chose to live this life, or not. Right now, life wants you in it, participating with your friends. I think you can make the right choice."_

James made a choice and was the first to reach out with his gloved metal hand and grasp his beer. Looking at each person through the fringe of his hair he spoke, "To a new start." His voice was firm, but soft.

The rest followed suit, "A new start." They all intoned and took a sip.

Bucky swallowed his drink and a look of pleasure swept over his face, "It has been a _long_ time."

"Yes, it has." Steve echoed trying not to sound melancholy.

"Ladies, did I ever tell you how hard Steve worked to get into the army?" Bucky began, his eyes lighting up slightly. Rogers saw a sliver of Barnes' former good-humored nature creep back into his long time friend.

"I'm all-ears." Natasha replied with a playful smirk, her red hair falling over her shoulder. Steve rolled his eyes, leaning back in his seat and Sharon giggled slightly, her posture beginning to relax.

"Well, let me educate you." Barnes began, his body still tense but his face a different picture.

The four of them closed the bar, laughing, sometimes close to tears but all feeling as if a weight of the world had been lifted from their shoulders. They all had choices to make and tonight they chose to be with each other, living life, as if the chaos they had known had never happened. No one regretted his or her choice.

"Breath of Life" by Erasure

Never had a point of view  
'Cause my mind was always someone else's mind

I never had to tell a lie  
'Cause I left the choices up to them  
Don't know why but I did

Oh I want life  
Life wants me  
To breath in it's love

Take me I'm yours  
Now I'm comin' up for air  
I'm gonna live my time  
For the rest of my life  
Then I'll be comin' back for more

I never had to call the tune  
'Cause I always drifted with the tide of the moon  
(Ah la luna, my love, my love, my love)

I would go out every night  
Lookin' for someone to treat me right  
Not a chance (chance) not a hope (hope) in this world (world)

Oh I want life  
Life wants me  
To breath in it's love

Take me I'm yours  
Now I'm comin' up for air  
I'm gonna live my time  
For the rest of my life  
Then I'll be comin' back for more

Take me I'm yours  
Now I'm comin' up for air  
I'm gonna live my time  
For the rest of my life  
Then I'll be comin' back for more


End file.
